We start
off with a fellow from the hill country of Ephraim named Elkanah, who had two
wives: Hannah, and Peninnah. Peninnah had borne children, but Hannah had not
because “God had closed her womb.” Elkanah loved Hannah, but Peninnah was
constantly giving her shit about being barren.
So one
year when they went to Shiloh (that’s where the tabernacle and ark and stuff
were staying) to do the annual sacrificing stuff, she went to the temple where
the high priest Eli and his two sons Hophni and Phinehas ministered, to pray.
And her prayer was a promise that if God would let her bear a son then she
would give the child to God and never shave his head (I believe this is
promising to make him a lifelong Nazarite just like Samson was).
She was
weeping and mouthing her prayers silently, so at first Eli thought she was
drunk and berated her for it. But when she explained that she was just deeply
upset and praying, he blessed her instead.
So
Hannah and her family returned home, and before too long she got pregnant and
did, indeed, have a son whom she named Samuel. Once the baby was weaned, she
returned with him to the temple at Shiloh and “lent” him to God for the rest of
his life by giving him to the priests. This is followed by twelve verses of
Hannah chapping God’s buttocks with her lips. See 1 Samuel Chapter 2 if you
really want to read the details – it is some rather poetic ass kissing.
Every
year after that, Hannah would bring her son a new robe when the family returned
to do their sacrifices. And she continued to have more children – three sons
and two daughters (though it’s not clear whether that’s including Samuel, or in
addition to Samuel).
Then
we’re told about how Eli’s sons were a couple of jackasses, who would use their
positions as priests to coerce people into giving them the best part of their
offerings to eat and sleep around with the serving girls. Eli heard about it,
and bitched them out, but since he was old and feeble they didn’t pay him any
mind.
But no
matter. God’s got it covered with his patented one-size-fits-all solution to
problems: kill the fuck out of it, and then go after its family. But, y’know…
lovingly.
So he
sends a “man of God” to deliver his message (why he can’t tell Eli directly,
him being the high priest and all, the author makes no attempt to explain) to
tell Eli that God is pissed about his sons behavior and Eli’s own failure to
rein them in. And that even though he’d promised Aaron that his descendants
would be his priests forever, now he’s decided to destroy them and raise up a
new priest because Eli’s kids are such shits. So Eli’s family will be cursed,
in that none of his descendants will ever live to be an old man, and God’s sign
to Eli that the curse has started will be for both of his sons to die on the
same day.
After
this, we return to Samuel, who’s grown into a young man. And one day while he’s
lying down in the temple, God calls Samuel. Though in an uncharacteristic burst
of subtlety, he does so in such a way that Samuel has no idea it’s him, but
instead thinks it’s Eli. So he runs in to where Eli is lying down and asks why
he called for him. Eli says he didn’t, and that Samuel should go back to rest.
This
goes on a couple more times before Eli clues in that maybe God is trying to
talk to Samuel. So he tells the boy that the next time he hears the voice, he
should respond “Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.” Samuel does just this, at
which point God tells him that he’s about to curse Eli’s household. And the
phrasing is interesting.
“1 Sam 3:13 ‘And I declare to him that I am about to punish his
house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming
God, and he did not restrain them. 14
Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall
not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.’”
Just a
thought, but if Jesus’ sacrifice was supposed to atone for all of humanity’s
sins, doesn’t the above verse kind of imply that Eli’s descendants are
ineligible for the supposed benefits of that sacrifice? That’s kind of a shitty
deal. Wonder when we can expect a Hollywood apocalypse movie based on that
idea.
Anyway,
in the morning Eli wanted to know what God had told Samuel. At first Samuel
didn’t want to say, but Eli eventually gets it out of him. As bad as the news
is, Eli’s reaction is basically resignation.
From
this point on, Samuel becomes a prophet and minister, and his fame begins to
spread throughout Israel.
In due
time, Israel and the Philistines come to blows as seems to be their wont. And
in the initial engagement the Israelites are soundly defeated. So the elders
came up with the brilliant idea that what they really needed to turn the tide
was to have the ark of the covenant with them. So they sent to Shiloh to have the
ark brought to them, and Eli’s sons Hophni and Phinehas came with it.
When the
ark arrived, the Israelite army started cheering and celebrating. The
Philistines were curious about what the hubbub was about, and when they checked
it out and discovered that the ark was in camp they had a little freak-out
session. “Oh no! They have a god in their camp! Nothing like this has ever
happened before!”
Seriously?
Nobody had ever carried an icon of their tribal spook into battle before? I
find that hard to believe, but whatever.
As it
turns out, the Philistines needn’t have worried. They handily beat the
Israelites, and killed Hophni and Phinehas (plus about 30,000 soldiers) in the
process of capturing the ark. So I guess Raiders of the Lost Ark lied to
us: an army that carries the ark can
be defeated.
You know…
it occurs to me that this story wasn’t refaced with the usual crap about how
the Israelites had turned wicked and started worshipping other gods. So if God
wasn’t particularly angry with the Israelites at this point in history, I guess
we’re just supposed to assume that he let 30,000 of his followers get killed
just to prove a point to Eli?
When one
of the soldiers returned to Shiloh to tell the news of the defeat, he found old
Eli (who was ninety-eight years old and blind) sitting on a rock. When the
soldier told him that the ark was captured and his sons both dead, Eli fell
over in shock and broke his frail old neck. The shock also sent Phinehas’
pregnant widow into labor, and she gave birth to a son who she named Ichabod.
She died shortly thereafter.
So, with
the end of Eli’s part in the story, I think we’ll call it a day here. We’ll
pick up next time with the story of the ark’s journey through the land of the
Philistines.
Until
then, be well!
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