We’re in
the midst of Second Kings. The next story we’ll relate happens shortly after
where we left off the last time. Jehoram, the king of Judah dies and leaves the
throne to his son Ahaziah. Joram is still king of Israel, and Hazael the king
of Syria is still running about attacking Israel. So Ahaziah and Joram team up
to fight the Syrians, and Joram is wounded in the process. Joram goes to the
city of Jezreel to recover, while his army remains in the field.
This is
the scene as Elisha intervenes in politics once again. This time he sends one
of his servants to find the commander of Joram’s army, a fellow named Jehu who
is also the son of Jehosaphat (which makes him the uncle of Ahaziah, the king
of Judah). Got that? This guy is the servant of one king, and the uncle to
another, which is important because he’s about to do them like Uncle Scar on
Elisha’s say-so.
Elisha’s
servant, on Elisha’s orders, finds Jehu and takes him aside.
“2 Kings 9:6 So he arose and went into the house. And the young man
poured the oil on his head, saying to him, ‘Thus says Yahweh, the god of
Israel, I anoint you king over the people of Yahweh, over Israel. 7 And you shall strike down the house
of Ahab your master, so that I may avenge on Jezebel the blood of my servants
the prophets, and the blood of all the servants of Yahweh. 8 For the whole house of Ahab shall perish, and I will cut off from
Ahab every male, bond or free, in Israel.’”
There’s
a little more to the speech, but you get the gist from there. Some random kid
shows up claiming to speak for God and tells Jehu that he’s king now and needs
to kill his master the current king. And his whole family. Because of stuff
Ahab did. And rather than saying “What are you, a lunatic?!” Jehu just says “Sure
thing!” and immediately commences a murder spree.
He
starts by gathering up his men and going to Jezreel where king Joram of Israel is
recovering from his wounds and king Ahaziah of Judah is visiting. After telling
his king that is mother Jezebel is a whore, Jehu shoots him down. Then, for
good measure, Jehu has his men shoot down his own nephew Ahaziah.
Then,
after murdering both kings, Jehu heads back to the palace where he orders the
servants to toss Jezebel out a window, which they do. Then he has his horses
trample her to death. Following this, he then sends orders to the people in
Samaria who are fostering Ahab’s remaining sons, demanding that they prove they
are with him by murdering the boys. Which they do. He also kills all of the
remaining officers, allies, and priests who served the old king’s family. Oh,
and forty-two member of his own family who he met on the road because they had
been coming to visit Jezebel and her family.
So with
the political purging done, it was time for the religious purges. Jehu sends
out a proclamation to all the priests and followers of Baal that he’s going to
make a huge sacrifice to their god. He gathers them all together in their
temple under that pretense, then slaughters every last one of them and burns
the temple to the ground.
Now,
finally, God apparently has a personal word for Jehu rather than talking
through people claiming to talk for him.
“2 Kings 10:30 And Yahweh said to Jehu, ‘Because you have done well
in carrying out what is right in my eyes, and have done to the house of Ahab
all that was in my heart, your sons of the fourth generation shall sit on the
throne of Israel.’”
Yeah.
Murder of an entire family line is what is in God’s heart. What a lovely being.
From
here we get a few more generations of kings in both Israel and Judah, mostly “doing
what is evil in the sight of God.” Some more political coups, and wars… pretty
dull stuff, actually, at least in the way it’s all presented. Things turn
briefly interesting, in an entirely inane sort of way, when we come to the
death of Elisha.
At this
time, Joash is king of Israel, and as usual, Israel is at war with Syria. He
goes to visit and consult with Elisha, who is sick abed. Inevitably, stupidity
ensues.
“2 Kings 13:15 And Elisha said to him ‘Take a bow and arrows.’ So he
took a bow and arrows. 16 Then he
said to the king of Israel ‘Draw the bow,’ and he dre it. And Elisha laid his
hands on the kings hands. 17 And he
said ‘Open the window eastward,’ and he opened it. Then Elisha said ‘Shoot,’
and he shot. And he said ‘Yahweh’s arrow of victory, the arrow of victory over
Syria! For you shall fight the Syrians in Aphek until you have made an end of
the them.’ 18 And he said ‘Take the
arrows,’ and he took them. And he said to the king of Israel ‘Strike the ground
with them.’ And he struck three times and stopped. 19 Then the man of God was angry with him and said ‘You should have
struck five or six times; then you would have struck down Syria until you made
an end of it, but now you will strike down Syria only three times.’”
How dumb
is that? Seriously? Another one of Elisha’s little arbitrary made-up-on-the-fly
rituals? And he gets angry at Joash
for not doing it right because he didn’t guess the arbitrary number rattling
around in our prophet’s little head for how many times to strike the floor?
“Hey, do
this stupid thing. No, you FOOL! You guessed wrong, and now you won’t get the
result that you didn’t even know was the point of my stupid ritual!”
And then
Elisha died. So after a few high notes in the middle of his career, he goes out
on a wave of whimsical idiocy.
But
anyway, as Elisha checks out, so shall we for the day. And here’s to another
year of Biblical fun!
