So
naturally the narrative takes a random detour into God’s demands for more
offerings. In a very effective killing of narrative flow, we are treated to
more than seventy verses, two full chapters, detailing exactly how many and
which types of animals need to be slaughtered and burned (for a pleasing aroma
to God) on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis as well as for special feasts
like Passover, The Feast of Weeks, Feast of Trumpets, and Feast of Booths. On
the plus side, that does allow you, as my readers, to skip two full chapters
ahead.
Not that
the narrative picks up from there – God has some things to say about vows as
well. And the rules are different for men and women. The men’s rules are simple.
A man makes a vow, he’s bound by it. He has to do what he promises to do.
The
rules for women are more complicated. The way they work is that a woman is
bound by her vows… unless their father disagrees (if they haven’t married yet),
or their husband disagrees (if they are married). Under those conditions, their
father or husband simply gets to veto the woman’s promises. Also, if a woman
has made a vow, then later gets married, her husband gets to nullify her
existing promises as well. Now as if the rule itself weren’t sexist enough, it
is expressed in one of the most condescending passages it has ever been my
displeasure to read:
“Num 30:8 But if, on the day that
her husband comes to hear of it, he opposes her, then he makes void her vow
that was on her, and the thoughtless utterance of her lips by which she bound
herself. And Yahweh will forgive her.”
Thoughtless
utterance of her lips?! Fucking seriously?! In the eyes of the Bible, even the
most solemn vow of a woman holds no more weight than mindless babbling unless
validated by a man? I’m a man, and I’m
fucking offended by that attitude. This whole passage smacks of a belief that
women are essentially children throughout their entire life. And based on the
prevailing attitude portrayed up to this point, possibly evil children at that.
Grrr!
OK,
calm, finding my center. Deep breaths.
Moving
on, God has one more task for Moses to complete before he dies.
“Num 31:1 Yahweh spoke to Moses,
saying 2 ‘Avenge the people of Israel on the Midianites. Afterward you shall be
gathered to your people.’”
Now
let’s recall that the horrid offense committed by the Midianites, for which the
people of Israel must avenge themselves, was to accept them, intermarry with
them, and invite them to their religious ceremonies. Mostly that last part,
because God had told the Israelites they weren’t allowed to join in the worship
of any other gods.
Bear in
mind, by the way, that Moses’ own wife is a Midianite woman, and her father had
provided Moses with helpful advice in the past. Which I mention just so you can
have an idea of exactly how much that goodwill is worth in the face of
fanaticism.
Under
Moses’ orders, the Israelites attacked the Midianites and killed every man
among them, taking the women and children prisoner and plundering all of their
goods and livestock. Also, you remember Balaam from that silly story about the
talking donkey? The guy who obeyed God and refused to curse the Israelites when
the Moabites tried to pay him off to do so? They killed him too, the ungrateful
shits (Moses later claims that it was Balaam who advised the Midianites to try
and convert the Israelites, though this was never actually said in the
description of the event). And when they return from battle with all of their
plunder, Moses is angry with them, demanding to know why they let the women and
children live. Then he gives a new set of orders.
“Num 31:17 ‘Therefore kill every
male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by lying
with him. 18 But all the young girls who have not known a man by lying with him
keep alive for yourselves.’”
See,
that’s what we like to call a war crime. But setting aside modern legal
definitions, I invite you to imagine the Midianite perspective. A massive horde
of people shows up out of the blue. You’re scared at first, but over the course
of a few years things settle down. You start to make a few friends among the
newcomers. Some of your neighbors marry some of them. Maybe you marry one, or
your daughter does. You invite them to church, because hey, that’s what
neighbors do. Then one day out of the blue, they explode into an orgy of
violence, killing everyone you know and love, including the children. And if you’re a young girl, you’re forced
to spend the rest of your life serving (and almost certainly in a sexual
capacity) the monsters who slaughtered your mother, father, and brothers.
And the
bastards who did this get to be considered heroes because they were acting on
the orders of the malevolent, imaginary specter we call God? I don’t think so.
The
remainder of the chapter is dedicated to listing all the gold, silver, animals,
and human beings plundered by the Israelites, and how the spoils were divided
up (with, of course, the requisite portion of gold, silver, animals, and human
beings given to the priests as God’s portion). It’s kind of sickening if you
dwell on it, and so I won’t.
In fact,
I think I’m going to go ahead and call this today’s stopping point. Numbers is
going to drag on for a bit, still, so there’s at least one more full post ahead
before we move on to the next book. In the meantime, you all be well and take
care.
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